Megan- Part Two: She-Demon from Hell

This certainly wasn't the way I had planned to ask her out and I wish I didn't do it well asking about Sharon. I wanted to do something nice for her and when I went DVD shopping I decided to pick her up a copy of Legend. Megan loved the gift and expressed her joy, "Every time I watch this I guess I will have to think of you Anthony".

Things sadly turned upside down like the Poseidon after that. Except I didn't have the coolness of Gene Hackman to save the day. I started to realize that this girl told elaborate lies. If she was unable to hang out for the first several weeks, the lies would consist of a certain group of people attending a supposed event located on the other side of town. These people often gave her the wrong time and location of the event. The event was then changed to the time we were supposed to meet each other. One time she even had the excuse she was taking the entrance exam for the police academy. I told her not to expect it to be anything like the movie. The following Monday however she had not taken the exam. She forgot her pencil, went to the wrong testing site and when she found the right one she didn't have her Social Security card. Her excuses often gave me a headache. In my heart I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't understand why this girl told me her whole life story? I thought I knew her but realized just how much of a stranger she really was.

We finally reached the point where it was time to finally pick a movie to see. (Some may think that your humble narrator was an idiot for waiting that long and I was.) Well, let me tell you that picking a movie was extremely difficult. I suggested Life or Something Like It but she hated Angelina Jolie and Edward Burns. Trust me when I say I will spare the long pointless details as to why she hates them. You don't need that headache, so we will fast forward to my next suggestion, Unfaithful. She liked Diane Lane but hated Richard Gere because he is a Buddhist. Then finally I suggested Sum of All Fears but she felt Ben Affleck's head was gigantic. She didn't mean in the vanity sense but rather the actual size of his head. "What else opens this week?" I looked at her like I wanted to kill her, I doubt much more could be opening that week.

"Star Wars Episode 2 but I got plans with Joey and Ricardo to see that. Plus Unfaithful looks like a great thriller". I told her hoping to change her mind.

"Well we could go see both". (Was she making plans for the whole weekend and wanting to hang out with me when I wanted to be with my friends.)

"Yeah sure my friends would love to hang out with you". I stated while trying to hide the fact I really didn't want her to come with my friends Saturday. Plans for that weekend seemed to be settled. That night, I had a series of terrible dreams. The first one involved me being smothered by Sharon's arm fat. The second dream started out with myself being in my forties married to Megan. She had wrinkles and a raspy smoker's voice. I was reading the newspaper trying to pick a movie to go see and every movie I picked she shot down. I was miserable and trapped with someone I could no longer stand. I wonder what my dreams were trying to tell me?

Saturday was all set to go and Joey pre-ordered us the Star Wars tickets. Except one major thing screwed up all the plans. Megan stood me up in front of all my friends. Hard to believe the girl I opened up to was a piece of shit. Ricardo kept his cool and looked a little relieved she didn't show up. Joey on the other hand laughed at me for the better part of the day. "You got rejected by a ginger-kid, that is low. She was so fucking ugly". Not what I really wanted to hear at the moment. What was even stranger was that Joey had never met her, so how could he know she had so many freckles? That day I also discovered what a creepy bastard Joey can be. A few days earlier Joey had hid out in some bushes by the bus-stop to sneak a peek at her without my knowledge. (I should have demanded that phone number so I could confront her. She didn't call me once that weekend.")

That Monday it was time to confront her. I wanted the girl out of my life for good and I felt betrayed in so many ways from her. I found her in the hallway and told her that we needed to talk. We went to a narrow staircase at the college. Before I could get one word out she started to talk out of guilt. "I had a really bad cold". She said in a really fake cold voice and that hit my last nerve.

"This isn't going to work unless you give me your phone number!" (I had a better speech worked out in my head. I figured that she would say "NO" and I would have to tell her that we are over with then.)

"Got a pen." (Oh shit, I almost got out of this relationship. I felt like Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I missed my chance to take the open window and stayed behind with the crazies.)

Getting the phone number proved one thing, her family was just as crazy as she was. Her father spent fifty minutes on the phone with me once. He was telling me all about Tarzan and how to model my life after the novels. After our long conversation he informed his daughter was not home. Her sister, Alish (Not Alice and that is the correct spelling.) grilled me for ten minutes about my intentions with her sister. Other times I would call and get Bridget. Bridget sounded just like Megan and it often took a good five minutes of conversation to realize I was talking to Bridget. She would tell me personal stories about her boyfriend. (I learned how she caught a cold from him because they spent the whole weekend making out.) I wish Tales From the Crypt was still on the air, I could have sold them this story.

The date didn't happen for another two weeks because it took that long to agree on a movie. Insomnia was the film that she had nothing to complain about. I meet her in the train station on a bright and sunny Memorial Day. Hardly any talking was done before the movie but I figured afterwards we could talk at the park and maybe get some coffee. (Later I found out she hated coffee.) "Just because you paid for my ticket doesn't mean I will have sex with you." She said as we sat down in the theatre in a very serious tone.

"I just asked if you wanted a Coke?"

What on Earth could have brought that on. As we watched the movie I turned to look over at her and noticed she was biting her fingernails so hard I was worried she was going to hit pulp. The movie ended and I suggested we head to the park and hang out. "Why so you could chop my head off?" Did I just hear right?

"Don't worry this isn't a Lifetime movie." I said, with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek. She then rushed me to the train station. What happened to the friend I made up in the lounge, all those months ago? Was this a Changeling, where was the real Megan?

I kept in contact with her through out the summer but never expected much out of it. On September 3rd 2002, Megan stood me up again, but this time it was my Birthday. I had talked to her two days before and she told me she bought a new dress for the occasion. I didn't want anything more to do with this piece of shit after that. I don't need someone like that in my life. However, I still wonder what the true story behind her was?

Coming Soon: An In-depth look at "Amazon Women on the Moon"!

Megan- Part One: Should Have Ran

It was the Spring of 2002 when my easy going lifestyle was just about to become a confusing mess. I was set up on an awkward blind date with a girl named Sharon, and this was set up by my supposed best friend Joey. Sharon made me instantly think of Paul Simon. I thought of Paul Simon because I'm pretty sure that she was the roly-poly little bat-faced girl in the song You Can Call Me Al. Sharon's conversation skills were limited and she had the most annoying habit of almost walking into traffic. Have you ever had to pull your date out of on-coming traffic? My friend Joey, urged me to give her a second chance.

The next day at school my mind was so jumbled because I really believed seeing Sharon again would be a mistake. Since I had forty five minutes before my English class began I assumed the lounge near the class would be a nice place to clear my head. (Boy was I wrong.) Eventually I was approached by a smiling stranger from the class. A girl with brownish red hair in her late twenties with freckles and a tan Members Only jacket. (I thought only guys wore them in the 80's.) Despite the smile her face showed signs of being older then she admitted. A conversation shortly started and it contained a wide range of topics from Snap, Crackle and Pop to life in general. The two of us were instantly comfortable with each other.

In the next couple of weeks we met on the same day each week and in the same spot. We talked about everything from her parent's divorce resulting in her mom leaving, movies and how lonely Valentine's Day can make you feel when you don't have someone special. As we used to sit and talk one could tell how nervous she was. She would clinch her book bag as she would tell me the stories of her life. "I can't end up like my parents". I confessed to her one day. "We won't let that happen", she quickly and calmly replied. I felt the term "we" was being used a little too fast, but I shook that feeling off very shortly. (I wanted to grow up when it came to dating and not get nervous over every small detail.)

The following week we discussed our fondness for childhood films such as The Goonies and the campy Tom Cruise film, Legend. (I am no longer a fan of Legend.) I then introduced her to my eccentric friend from the class Ricardo. Ricardo was a quiet portly black guy, who always looked angry. Never any real reason has to why he would be angry, it was just the way his face was structured I guess. (My friendship with Ricardo would end shortly after, because he brought his Mother along to see The Hulk. "You need to hang out more with my son", she insisted.) Ricardo had an unusual dream, he wanted to be a cartoonist and a professional wrestler. The three of us would hang out in an empty classroom, where I would attempt to throw a skittle in the air and catch it in my mouth. The first attempt was a success but follow-up attempts were proven unsuccessful. Megan then referred to me as a "dumb nut". "Dumb nut? That's not even a word in the dictionary. What is a "dumb nut"?" "You" she replied. This playful banter was one of the few times she let her guard down and actually seemed to be having fun and Ricardo was cracking up.

After class I tried to walk Megan to the bus stop but she gave me a look like I was crazy. Several days would pass until she informed me that I could walk her to the bus stop. (Gee whiz can I?) During this conversation, we literally bumped into Ricardo. "I'm going to sit in that classroom". Then Ricardo left after his less then profound statement.

"You think Ricardo wants company?" I asked, Megan

"We could go sit with him".

"Yeah but I don't know if he wants company? He would have said something or at least waited for us".

"He's Ricardo, you know he never says what he means, that's just him".

A few days later more seemed to unfold in this strange series of events called my life. "I'm being stalked!" She uttered this has she pointed to the quiet boy reading his book in the corner of the lounge. "That's why I couldn't come over and sit with you guys, when you asked me". That made no sense to me. If someone is bothering you, wouldn't you want to go sit next to a couple of big guys. One of which has an angry expression on his face. The second thing that made no sense was that the boy was sitting quietly reading and not even looking in her direction. Then she began a weird rant that seemed to go on forever and made both Ricardo and I a little uncomfortable. "This guy just won't leave me alone, (The quiet guy.) and I told him look I have a boyfriend, I mean I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend with someone I don't even know". (Its OK if you know the person?) Plus I hate to give out my phone number and I hate talking on the phone, I think it is the worst part of a relationship". This whole monologue came out of her mouth with no breaks or chance for me to speak. If I recall right Ricardo may have fell asleep.

That conversation made me realize I could be nothing more then the girl's friend. I had no idea she had a boyfriend or if she was really being stalked. Plus I always had Sharon, who I still had not made a second date with yet.

Two months had passed and our friendship had blossomed into something beautiful because our conversations on Thursdays allowed us to share everything with each other. It was odd trusting someone I didn't know that long but it felt right. Megan started going on about her in theory only stalker and how her boyfriend doesn't turn this guy off. Since she brought up her boyfriend, I thought I would throw Sharon in her face. (Real mature I know. I later found out that Sharon had schizophrenia, so I never did schedule that second date.) She started to blush causing all the freckles on her face to become a human connect the dot. "Why would you ask me dating advice, you know I don't have a boyfriend stupid!" (I do?) I felt lousy.

"You and I should catch a movie sometime?" I said.

"I'd like that!"

"I know you hate to give out your number, but"

"How about I just take your number and call you?"

Coming Soon to this theatre: Megan Part 2: She-Demon from Hell. Take a seat next to the junkies and rats in the Grindhouse theatre that is my life.

Not Even Her Mother Knew Her Name

I had a very long and boring day as President of the Italian Culture Club. I only took the position so that I could have a key to my own private room in Brooklyn College. The room housed two Italian related clubs. The Italian Culture Club and The Italian Student Union. My private room was now becoming filled with actual club members, which was my cue to leave. I needed some time to myself to reflect on the paper I was about to write. This day in September was not about to be my lucky day. When you meet someone out of the blue and they start a five hour conversation with you, a red flag should automatically go up. My red flag went off but I tried to ignore it. I wish after a half hour I got up and left. "I feel my life is over and I'm only thirty one, but maybe things will look up for me someday. I got laid off my job, my boyfriend wants to break up with me, the doctors removed a ten pound cyst from my ovary and I'm flat broke with my rent due." The stranger openly confessed to me in the first half hour of our chat. How do you walk away from someone in that bad of shape? Can a ovary have a ten pound cyst?

What an odd bunch of events to openly confess to a stranger. As day fell into night I started to feel sorry for her. The strange bug eyes she had contained an empty stare. Her body movements painted the portrait of a person who was not of sound mind. She seemed uncomfortable and nervous yet she never stopped talking in her rapid pace. Somethings she said didn't make any sense, while other words she spoke made her seem like a girl that desperately needed someone to talk to. I didn't know what to do because I felt maybe I could help her before she did something crazy. "I'm normally quiet but for some reason today I feel I can tell you anything, Anthony Benedetto". Every ten minutes she would thank me for listening to her.

The date from Hell took place three days later. I realized that something was missing from the puzzle that was the girl whose name was so forgettable. The date was simple enough, dinner and a movie in the Italian clubhouse. I brought Boardinghouse to watch. The funny thing is the film is an incoherent mess much like my evening. The film focuses on a haunted house that is being rented out by sexy women. It was one of the first films shot on video and is certainly ambitious. The big question is whether or not the film is bad on purpose. That is the fun of watching the film, a chance to figure it out for yourself. The director has claimed that it was on purpose but I find that hard to believe.



My chemistry with her was almost nonexistent. Even though we were on the third floor of the college, she kept referring to it as the basement. I just couldn't wait for this night of lies to end. Then I tell her goodbye and that I will call her and of course I wouldn't. Around 9:30 the President of the other club showed up and he was in his late forties. He entered the dark room and was shocked to find two people on the couch watching a slasher flick that looked like a porno. It had the quality of a porno minus the nude scenes.

"I'll be out of you kids' way in about ten minutes!" I was so embarrassed to be caught with this girl. He took his usual seat and proceeded to talk and shortly these words were uttered from his mouth, "So after my nervous breakdown..." Did I just hear right? "My wife was two timing me, then she told me after my nervous breakdown no less that I had to sleep in the garage. That's when I stopped living for others and started living for Sal. I got a divorce from my wife and started dating women who accepted me for me. I mean I broke up with a woman because she told me to use conditioner in my hair. I told her I hate conditioner it feels like someone came in my hand and I told her goodbye."

There was no end in sight for this night. I never knew this stuff about Salvatore, and the girl with no name was engrossed in every word coming out of his saliva filled mouth. "Now you guys know Salvatore and Salvatore knows alot of people. I can help you look for apartments, jobs and that kind of shit".

"Its almost 1 in the morning. I have work in the morning". I told Salvatore as he searched the Internet for photos of his daughter. That hint went right over his head. I should have gotten up and left but it was like watching a train wreck, (or Boardinghouse).

A half hour later the freak show ended, but I will never forget the girl's last words as I walked her to the train station. "Thank you Anthony for a wonderful weekend". Then I had to remind her that it was only Thursday.

The Masking Tape Story

I was trying to come up with some new post ideas when I came across a story I am very proud of. There are so many movies to review, but I felt the need to share this story. To fully understand the story, I will need to explain the assignment. This was for a Creative Writing class and the Professor instructed us to write a story and end it with the sentence, "It feel off the table again but this time not even masking tape would help". Professor Go, singled out my paper as the paper that did it the best and then I got to read it in front of the class. I felt great that day. So now for the first time outside of the class here is "The Masking Tape Story".

It was almost eleven O'clock at night on Christmas Eve. I had left out milk and cookies for old St. Nick on my broken coffee table. The cookies and milk were held tight by masking tape. Santa would have to put some effort into getting those cookies off the table but I think he will understand. I mean in my letter to him I pretty much tell him about the coffee table situation and how desperately I need a new one. I don't believe in beating around the bush. Very small list this year. The list consisted of a new coffee table and a DVD of Surf Nazis Must Die. I had finished wrapping my family's gifts and was all set for bed. All I needed to do was slip into my Pokemon Pajamas.

The reindeer came crashing into my window and broke my coffee table. I said "Hey old St. Nick, What's the Deal?" He simply laughed and pointed to his sleigh and there it was my brand new coffee table: He remembered. Being good this year paid off. The reindeer licked up the milk and ate the cookies, so there was no mess. Then I turned to Prancer , and saw in his mouth my copy of Surf Nazis Must Die. Santa placed the cookie plate on the old end table. It fell off the table again but this time not even masking tape would help.