Things sadly turned upside down like the Poseidon after that. Except I didn't have the coolness of Gene Hackman to save the day. I started to realize that this girl told elaborate lies. If she was unable to hang out for the first several weeks, the lies would consist of a certain group of people attending a supposed event located on the other side of town. These people often gave her the wrong time and location of the event. The event was then changed to the time we were supposed to meet each other. One time she even had the excuse she was taking the entrance exam for the police academy. I told her not to expect it to be anything like the movie. The following Monday however she had not taken the exam. She forgot her pencil, went to the wrong testing site and when she found the right one she didn't have her Social Security card. Her excuses often gave me a headache. In my heart I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't understand why this girl told me her whole life story? I thought I knew her but realized just how much of a stranger she really was.
We finally reached the point where it was time to finally pick a movie to see. (Some may think that your humble narrator was an idiot for waiting that long and I was.) Well, let me tell you that picking a movie was extremely difficult. I suggested Life or Something Like It but she hated Angelina Jolie and Edward Burns. Trust me when I say I will spare the long pointless details as to why she hates them. You don't need that headache, so we will fast forward to my next suggestion, Unfaithful. She liked Diane Lane but hated Richard Gere because he is a Buddhist. Then finally I suggested Sum of All Fears but she felt Ben Affleck's head was gigantic. She didn't mean in the vanity sense but rather the actual size of his head. "What else opens this week?" I looked at her like I wanted to kill her, I doubt much more could be opening that week.
"Star Wars Episode 2 but I got plans with Joey and Ricardo to see that. Plus Unfaithful looks like a great thriller". I told her hoping to change her mind.
"Well we could go see both". (Was she making plans for the whole weekend and wanting to hang out with me when I wanted to be with my friends.)
"Yeah sure my friends would love to hang out with you". I stated while trying to hide the fact I really didn't want her to come with my friends Saturday. Plans for that weekend seemed to be settled. That night, I had a series of terrible dreams. The first one involved me being smothered by Sharon's arm fat. The second dream started out with myself being in my forties married to Megan. She had wrinkles and a raspy smoker's voice. I was reading the newspaper trying to pick a movie to go see and every movie I picked she shot down. I was miserable and trapped with someone I could no longer stand. I wonder what my dreams were trying to tell me?
Saturday was all set to go and Joey pre-ordered us the Star Wars tickets. Except one major thing screwed up all the plans. Megan stood me up in front of all my friends. Hard to believe the girl I opened up to was a piece of shit. Ricardo kept his cool and looked a little relieved she didn't show up. Joey on the other hand laughed at me for the better part of the day. "You got rejected by a ginger-kid, that is low. She was so fucking ugly". Not what I really wanted to hear at the moment. What was even stranger was that Joey had never met her, so how could he know she had so many freckles? That day I also discovered what a creepy bastard Joey can be. A few days earlier Joey had hid out in some bushes by the bus-stop to sneak a peek at her without my knowledge. (I should have demanded that phone number so I could confront her. She didn't call me once that weekend.")
That Monday it was time to confront her. I wanted the girl out of my life for good and I felt betrayed in so many ways from her. I found her in the hallway and told her that we needed to talk. We went to a narrow staircase at the college. Before I could get one word out she started to talk out of guilt. "I had a really bad cold". She said in a really fake cold voice and that hit my last nerve.
"This isn't going to work unless you give me your phone number!" (I had a better speech worked out in my head. I figured that she would say "NO" and I would have to tell her that we are over with then.)
"Got a pen." (Oh shit, I almost got out of this relationship. I felt like Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I missed my chance to take the open window and stayed behind with the crazies.)
Getting the phone number proved one thing, her family was just as crazy as she was. Her father spent fifty minutes on the phone with me once. He was telling me all about Tarzan and how to model my life after the novels. After our long conversation he informed his daughter was not home. Her sister, Alish (Not Alice and that is the correct spelling.) grilled me for ten minutes about my intentions with her sister. Other times I would call and get Bridget. Bridget sounded just like Megan and it often took a good five minutes of conversation to realize I was talking to Bridget. She would tell me personal stories about her boyfriend. (I learned how she caught a cold from him because they spent the whole weekend making out.) I wish Tales From the Crypt was still on the air, I could have sold them this story.
The date didn't happen for another two weeks because it took that long to agree on a movie. Insomnia was the film that she had nothing to complain about. I meet her in the train station on a bright and sunny Memorial Day. Hardly any talking was done before the movie but I figured afterwards we could talk at the park and maybe get some coffee. (Later I found out she hated coffee.) "Just because you paid for my ticket doesn't mean I will have sex with you." She said as we sat down in the theatre in a very serious tone.
"I just asked if you wanted a Coke?"
What on Earth could have brought that on. As we watched the movie I turned to look over at her and noticed she was biting her fingernails so hard I was worried she was going to hit pulp. The movie ended and I suggested we head to the park and hang out. "Why so you could chop my head off?" Did I just hear right?
"Don't worry this isn't a Lifetime movie." I said, with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek. She then rushed me to the train station. What happened to the friend I made up in the lounge, all those months ago? Was this a Changeling, where was the real Megan?
I kept in contact with her through out the summer but never expected much out of it. On September 3rd 2002, Megan stood me up again, but this time it was my Birthday. I had talked to her two days before and she told me she bought a new dress for the occasion. I didn't want anything more to do with this piece of shit after that. I don't need someone like that in my life. However, I still wonder what the true story behind her was?
Coming Soon: An In-depth look at "Amazon Women on the Moon"!